This morning, Paisley and I went for a run. And I should preface this by disclaiming… I am not a runner. I’ve wanted to be a runner all my life, but I’d be lying if I said athleticism was ever a strength of mine. In fact, I think just the opposite is true — it seems as if I’ve always been a two left feet, tripping up the stairs, clumsy and uncoordinated type of gal. However, that doesn’t discourage me from day dreaming about one day being able to run half marathons (I’m not so ambitious to wish for a full); meanwhile, I can barely run a mile and a half without truly fearing I am dancing in the wake of death. And I’m being dramatic, I know, but there’s something about having heavy anxiety and running; I feel my chest get heavy, I focus so much on breathing that it almost feels impossible to do so, and my mind repeats “I can’t do this” over and over and over again. It always somewhat confuses me when others say running clears their minds, because if anything, my mind feels loudest during those times.
But today was different.
Today was the first day of Daylight Savings Time, so waking up at 8 felt like a treat. With my extra time, I decided to dawn my tennis shoes and fasten Paisley’s leash onto her collar. I don’t know what compelled me, but I felt like going for a run. I never feel like that, so I don’t talk myself out of it when I do. The morning was beautiful — the temperature was a crisp and cool 68 degrees (so different than the 90’s we’ve been having here in Central Florida), and there was such a beautiful breeze. We took off running toward the waterfront about a mile away from our home. It was truly… wonderful.
The sun wasn’t fully upon us yet, and so faint rays of sunshine shone through the Spanish moss and onto the sidewalk. Our town was quiet, but as I approached the shops on the beachfront, brunchers and churchgoers populated the streets. Paisley, of course, had to stop to say hello to everyone who looked her way (nearly everyone) and every pup that crossed our paths — I don’t mind, though. As we made it to the pier, Paisley sat beside me and shyly watched the birds walking on the sand in the low tide — the towering heron still frightens my girl quite a bit.
And as we sat there, I just couldn’t help but think how nice this was. How nice it was to live in this town, so close to the ocean. How nice it was to have such a beautiful and sweet soul beside me in this life; how nice it was to be able to use my body and celebrate what it can do. I was overwhelmed with such an intense gratitude that I nearly cried looking out over the water; this life is good.
It hasn’t always been this way, of course. Like any other human being, I’ve had my ups and downs. I have felt like since I started law school, I’ve taken one rough day after the other; I haven’t felt like myself in so long. I felt as if I was going through the motions so robotically; passion had escaped my life for those few weeks, and I was just filled with an immense sense of feeling lost. Today, though, was different.
Here’s to many more days like today.